In My Bones Again
by familydontendwithblood
Summary: You could've stayed, could've handled going into the family business. You would've stayed because of Dean. Then you realized you loved him.
1. Chapter 1

_"I've gotta feel you in my bones again, I'm all over you, I'm not over you."  
><em>The Spill Canvas

You could've stayed, could've handled going into the family business. You would've done it too, if it hadn't been for Dean. You would've stayed _because_ of Dean, because you were all he had. And he was all you had.

Then you realized you loved him.

Like, _love_ loved him. You thought it was just a phase, at first. You were hitting puberty, and he was hitting his sexual prime. You thought the feelings, the thoughts, the dreams would go away, eventually. But they didn't leave. If anything, they grew more intense, the older you got. And then you realized you couldn't picture yourself with anyone else. Because "anyone else" wouldn't be Dean. And you knew your control would slip sooner or later, and he would hate you, and nothing would matter after that, because what was your life without Dean?

You decided that it might hurt to not see Dean, but it would kill you if he was the one to make that choice. (Because he would, as soon as he knew what you were thinking. He would leave you, or pretend that you didn't exist. And that would break you.)

So you started looking into colleges. Started applying, then getting accepted, and then getting full rides. You started getting choices, for once in your damn life. (You never had a choice with Dean, you know that now.)

You told Dean the night before you were going to tell your dad. He laughed like he didn't believe you, then punched you and rolled to the far side of the bed, no longer facing you. Neither of you slept that night. The next day you had everything ready. You were going to get it over with, but one look at Dean's face and you couldn't let go. Not yet. So you dragged it out, even though it hurt you, and you could see it was hurting Dean too.

Finally, after dinner, you set your bag by the bedroom door so you could grab it and when the shit hit the fan. You were almost through the door, heading to talk to John, when two hands grabbed your jacket, yanked you back into the room, and slammed you up against the wall. You felt him slip a bundle of cash into your jacket pocket. You started to protest, but stopped when he pressed his forehead to yours. His breath fanned over your face, warm and familiar from countless nights sleeping face to face. And then he surprised you completely by tilting his head up to bring his lips to yours. It was the gentlest, and shortest, kiss you'd ever gotten. Just a delicate touch, and then Dean was gone, turning and slamming the door of the bathroom. You thought you heard him say "Sammy" in the most broken voice you had ever heard come out of his mouth, but you couldn't go after him. Not now, not after you realized Dean was just as messed up inside as you were. You knew that if you did go after him, you would never leave.

So you left the room. You broke the news to your dad. Shit hit the fan. You left. You couldn't even look back, afraid you would see Dean looking out the window, and you would run back to finish what he started.

_And that was the end of it_, you thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Fast forward two years.

You've been working your ass off. You have friends, _(they don't know you're a freak)_ and you even have some close friends, _(as close as they can be without knowing the truth, anyway.)_ You're sitting in your room again; most of your friends going home for some holiday or break. You don't really keep track of them, not like you have anywhere to go. _(Don't think about it.)_

Brady stops by. You figure he's going to give you shit about not going home again, an inside joke with the two of because he stays at school too. Then, like in the past, he'd invite you over or to the library or to play video games, which he always kicked your ass at.

Something is different tonight though. You can't really put your finger on it. He's definitely different when he starts talking about going out that night. In the 2 years you've known Brady, he's never been much of a partier. Tonight though, he convinces you to go out with him. Gets you good and drunk, too, always at your elbow with another red cup. Tries to hook you up with Jess _(sweet girl)_ but you've finally had enough of that shit. You shake your head and leave the house through the kitchen, and lean up against a tree in the backyard. You take your phone out, scroll down to Dean's name, squinting because the letters are swimming a little bit. _(Stop it, you're not thinking about him.)_ Hell, you don't even know if he has the same goddamn number. You hear someone coming, so you slide your phone back in your pocket.

It's Brady, and he's trying to look sheepish, or apologetic, or something, but he's failing miserably, the hint of a smirk playing around his mouth. He tries to apologize about Jess _(not with much sincerity)_ but you interrupt him saying its fine, that you're just a fre-and then he interrupts you, in a way that is surprising, yet far too familiar.

He's shorter than you, so he's tilting his head up, and it's in slow motion, but before you can even register what's happening, his lips are on yours. They're gentle, gentle like _(stop thinking about him) _but then the pressure increases before you can think too much and you're still in shock and you're also drunk so your mouth kind of opens itself. Brady takes over, and he's smaller than you, but you feel him all over, and you feel hot all over, then his hands are opening your jeans and working their way down and you can't help it because for once it's not your own hand and it's tight and warm and Brady knows what he's doing. You close your eyes and slam your head back until it hits the tree, and Brady's mouth is on your neck, and you don't know if it's an embarrassingly short time later or if it you hold out a little longer than that, but when it's over Brady is wiping his hand on the grass, tucking you back into your pants, giving you another smirk then walking away.

You lean against the tree for a little while longer, and when you go back in the house, the party is still in full swing so you proceed to get completely shitfaced. You wake up with vague recollections of the night, and a funny feeling deep in your gut. Your phone is all the way across the room, like you threw it or something, and you have the funny feeling that you might have cried yourself to sleep.

Brady never mentions what happened, doesn't even give you a look that might hint at anything, so you don't mention it either. He does have a surprisingly gleeful expression when you mention one day that you've got a date with Jess.

You proceed to completely forget about that night.


End file.
